Divided We Ride

In our modern, progressive city, cycling is all the rage: Ever since the Green Party’s been running the traffic authority, designated bicycle lanes have been popping up on the city’s streets like veins on blue cheese.

I have been on the forefront, weaving my way through traffic, imagining myself a big city rancher herding gas guzzling behemoths – even though it’s more akin to staying one step ahead of a stampede.

The other day I approached my steel-tubed steed every inch the urban cowboy, right down to my fashionable drainpipe jeans. But as I swung myself into the saddle, my calculated display of nonchalance was ruined by a loud, distinct tearing noise as my pants gave way right down the centre seam. RRRRrrrrrip! I was now wearing chaps instead of trousers.

So a pro tip to aspiring bike-a-roos: Use your pedal as a stirrup to ease mounting, or risk looking like someone from a Christina Aguilera video.